A Filipino, a German and a Pakistani are arrested in Saudi Arabia forconsuming alcohol, which is considered a serious offense in SaudiArabia .Ea ch is sentenced 20 lashes of the whip.
However, as they are preparing for their punishment, the Sheikannounces:"It's my first wife's birthday today. She has asked me to allow each ofyou one wish before your whipping."
The German who is first in line, says: "Please tie a pillow to myback."
This is done, but the pillow lasts for only 10 lashes and torn inshreds.The German is carried out bleeding and crying with pain.
The Pakistani is next up. After watching the German in horror he sayssmugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back."
But even two pillows can take only 15 lashes. The Pakistani is also ledaway whimpering loudly.
The Filipino is the last one up, but before he can say anything, theSheikhsays to him: "You are from one of most beautiful countries in theworld.For this, you may have two wishes!"
"Thank you, you your Most Royal and Merciful Highness," the Filipinoreplied.
"In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not20,but 100 lashes."
"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave," The Sheik says. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then sobeit. And what is your second wish?"
The Filipino smiles and says, "Tie the Pakistani to my back."
Labels: , 0 comments | edit post
Types of couples:

1. Boy Gwapo + Girl Ganda = Nagmamahalan

2. Boy Gwapo + Girl Panget = Pinikot!

3. Boy Panget + Girl Ganda = Tinutukan!

4. Boy Panget + Girl Pangit = Pasensyahan
Labels: , 0 comments | edit post
Ayoko nang magpakasal sa iyo,
Dahil pag kasal na tayo, dapat kong gamitin ang sa iyo.
Hindi ko kaya,masyadong mahaba, mahihirapan ako.
Ngawit at ngalay na ang kamay ko,
hindi pa tapos ang ipagagawa mo.
Mantakin mo...
Garchitorina de Misericordia y Aguardecimiento,
sobrang haba ng apelyido mo!

Inday: Sir, karamihan pala ng nakalibing sa sementeryo, ginahasa!
Sir: Paano mo nalaman?
Inday: Kasi, nakalagay sa lapida nila. RIP!
Gina: Halata na ang tiyan mo, bakit hindi pa kayo magpakasal ng boyfriend mo?
Katrina: Ayaw ng pamilya niya, eh!
Gina: Sino ang may ayaw, ang tatay o nanay niya?
Katrina: Iyung misis niya!
Labels: , 0 comments | edit post
Lumapit ang labindalawang taong gulang na batang lalake sa kanyang lola at nagtanong.

"Yoya, batit ato buyoy?"

"Kasi supot ka pa, Iho, kahit itanong mo sa nanay mo," paliwanag ng lola.

"Nanay, batit ako buyoy?" tanong naman ulit ng anak sa kanyang ina.

"Kasi supot ka pa, kahit itanong mo sa tatay mo," sagot naman ng nanay.

Lapit ang bata sa tatay at nagtanong ulit. "Tatay, batit ato buyoy?"

Nagbuntong-hininga ang tatay bago sumagot, "Kati tupot ka pa."
Labels: 0 comments | edit post
Anong saging ang mataba? SABA
Anong saging ang maliit? SEÑORITA
Yung sinusubo pati balat?.. starts with a T?

sirit na? Esep............esep..!
Ano pa eh di turon!!!


Ikaw ha, iba iniisip mo!
"Akyen junior 'ndyan ba?"
"Dito po!"
"Akyen panganay 'ndyan ba?"

"Dito po!"
"Akyen daughter 'ndyan ba?"
"Dito po!"
"Akyen asawa 'ndyan ba?"

"Dito din po!"
"Walahiya! Dito kayo lahat! Wala tao tindahan!"
Labels: 0 comments | edit post
Nagkita ang magkumpadre na matagal na ring di nagkikita:
"Pare saan ka nag - tra- trabaho ngayon?"
"IBM, Pare", ang sagot."
"IBM eh, wala ka namang computer background ah?"
"Istambay Buong Maghapon."
"Eh ikaw Pare anong trabaho mo ngayon?"
"Chemist, Pare"
"Chemist, paanong nangyari 'yon eh, di ka naman nag-college?"
"Ke Misis umaasa, Pare."
A Filipino lady was taking the exam for US naturalization and citizenship.
She aced the test. The examiner said, "Now, the last part of the exam is a vocabulary test.
Can you spell the word 'Window?'" The lady said, "W-I-N-D-O-W."
"Ah, very good," the examiner said, "Now, use it in a sentence."

"WINDOW I get my citizenship papers?"
SPANISH TEACHER: Ok class, use "puera" in a sentence.
STUDENT: Mi maestra es muy bonita.
TEACHER: That's very flattering but where isthe word "puera"?
STUDENT: Puera ka!
SENORITA: Inday, magluto ka ng marami mamaya. Dadating ang mga amiga ko.
INDAY : Yes mam! Ano'ng klase ng luto ang gusto n'yo, Yung babalik pa sila uli o hindi na!