Anong saging ang mataba? SABA
Anong saging ang maliit? SEÑORITA
Yung sinusubo pati balat?.. starts with a T?
sirit na? Esep............esep..!
Ano pa eh di turon!!!

Ikaw ha, iba iniisip mo!

"Akyen junior 'ndyan ba?"
"Dito po!"
"Akyen panganay 'ndyan ba?"
"Dito po!"
"Akyen daughter 'ndyan ba?"
"Dito po!"
"Akyen asawa 'ndyan ba?"
"Dito din po!"
"Walahiya! Dito kayo lahat! Wala tao tindahan!"

Nagkita ang magkumpadre na matagal na ring di nagkikita:
"Pare saan ka nag - tra- trabaho ngayon?"
"IBM, Pare", ang sagot."
"IBM eh, wala ka namang computer background ah?"
"Istambay Buong Maghapon."
"Eh ikaw Pare anong trabaho mo ngayon?"
"Chemist, Pare"
"Chemist, paanong nangyari 'yon eh, di ka naman nag-college?"
"Ke Misis umaasa, Pare."

SPANISH TEACHER: Ok class, use "puera" in a sentence.
STUDENT: Mi maestra es muy bonita.
TEACHER: That's very flattering but where isthe word "puera"?
STUDENT: Puera ka!

SENORITA: Inday, magluto ka ng marami mamaya. Dadating ang mga amiga ko.
INDAY : Yes mam! Ano'ng klase ng luto ang gusto n'yo, Yung babalik pa sila uli o hindi na!

Dalagita: Mom, totoo ba na kung saan pinasok ang ari ng lalaki dun din lumalabas ang baby??
Mom: oo anak..totoo un!!!
Dalagita: Di kaya masira ang tonsil ko paglabas ng baby ko??

Doctor: cge, pag nakapasa ka sa test ko na to, lalabas ka na.
Patient: cge!
Doctor: tumulay ka sa ilaw ng flashlyt.
Patient: anu ako gago? Ayoko nga.
Doctor: mukhang magaling ka na nga, teka. Bat ayaw mong tumulay?
Patient: dok, mautak ako. Eh kung patayin mo ung flashlight, eh di nahulog ako!!!

Teacher - Renato, kilala mo ba si Jose Rizal?
Renato - Hindi po, Mam.
Teacher - Rowena, kilala mo ba si Jose Rizal?
Rowena - Hindi rin po, Mam.
Teacher - Wala ba sa inyo ang nakakikilala kay Jose Rizal?
Jasmine - Mam, baka sa kabilang section siya...

Misis - Hon, anong gift mo sa akin sa silver annivesary natin?
Mister - Dadalhin kita sa Riyad.
Misis - Wow, how sweet naman. E, sa golden anniversary natin?
Mister - Susunduin na kita dun.

BOY: Alam nio! Alam nio! Alam nio! Alaaaaaam niooooooooo!

GIRL: Alam nio din!

Scene: (Magsyotang ngongo na nagsasabihan ng "I love you")

Sweet noh??? :)

Q: Anong apelyido ni Cedie?
A: Cedie Player

Q: Anong apleyido ni Beast?
A: Beast Kwit

Q: Ano last name ni Anchor?
A: Anchor Tis

Q: Ano last name ni Jewel?
A: Jewel Torre

Q: Anong apelyido ni Christopher?
A: Christopher Minute

Q: Anong first name ni Keno?
A: Krisa Keno

Q: Ano first name ni Janno?
A: Eduman Janno

Q: Ano first name ni Pikachu?
A: Cherrypie Pikachu

Q: Ano first name ni Kenny G?
A: Johnep Kenny G

Q: ano ang first name ni Volta?
A: Johntra Volta

Q: Ano first name ni Diether?
A: Tirso Cruz Diether

Amo: Bakit ka umiiyak?

Katulong: Sabi po ni dok tatanggalan po ako ng butlig

Amo: Butlig lang iiyak ka na…

Katulong: Kasi ok lang kung right lig or left lig lang po.. pero bakit naman butligs pa…..

Final exams na ng mga seminarista..pag nakapasa sila dito ay magiging Pari na sila... sabi ng Paring examiner...lahat kayo ay sasabitan ko ng bell sa inyong pagkalalaki.. at pag tumunog ang bell ang ibig sabihin ay tumigas kaya bagsak sa exam pag tumunog...

Unang exam ay binigyan lahat sila ng mga porno magazines..puro bold talaga...walang tumunog...pasado lahat..

Next ay pinapanood sila ng x-rated na films...triple x pero no effect sa kanila...pasado na naman..

Then, may babaeng pumasok sa examination room...pinasayaw at isa isang tinanggal ang kanyang suot... wala pa ring tumutunog na bell...matitibay talaga...

Eh doon sa kuwartong yon ay sobra ang init..walang air con...inis na inis na si Pedro sa tagal ng exam.. pinagpapawisan na siya...kaya sa inis ay hinubad ang suot na sutana...nakita ng mga seminarista ang kanyang tinago...biglang nagtunugan lahat ng bell...

Chinese: I have 4 wives, 1 more I have a basketball team.
American: I have 9 wives, 1 more I have a football team.
Pinoy: I have 17 wives, 1 more I have a golf course, 18 holes.

QUESTION : Ms. America, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. AMERICA : Well, I would say that male organs in America are like gentlemen.
QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. AMERICA : Because it stands everytime it sees a woman.....

(Applause!.... Applause!)

MS. SPAIN : Male organs in our country are like toros in our very own bullfight.
QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. SPAIN : Because it charges everytime it sees an opening.

(Applause!... Applause!)

MS. BRITAIN : Male organs in our country are like Shakespearian actors and Heroes.
QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. BRITAIN : Because it cries after every performance and because it is buried alive.

(Applause!... Applause!)

MS. IRAN : Well, I can say that male organs in Iran are like thieves
QUESTION : And why do you say that?
MS. IRAN : Because they always enter through the back door.....

(Applause!... Applause!)

MS. INDIA : Well, I can say that a male organ in India is like a labourer.
QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. INDIA : Because it works day and night....

(Applause!..Applause!)

MISS JAPAN: It's like an actor in a stage play....because it bows down after every performance.

(Applause!..Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. Philippines, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. PHILIPPINES : Ahh...well, opcors, hihihihi...I can say dat male organs in our country are like chismis...
QUESTION : Chismis???
MS. PHILIPPINES : Ayy! Sorry... Its ano, ahh kuwan...it means GOSSIP in our language.
QUESTION : Hmm... Interesting comparison. And why do you say that?
MS.PHILIPPINES : Ayy...Dyahe!!!!Hi hi hi hi hi hi...Kasi....I mean because it passes from mouth to mouth..

(STANDING OVATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
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What is sex in Español? “Vamos tumba la cama, entrada mi picoy tu fuerta, con atras abante; no pwersa pero sige rapido birada, cargada cemilya todo discarga..ole!!

Sir: Maria, si sir mo ito, naaksidente ako. Kailangan ko ng cash.
Maria: Ikaw ba talaga si sir? Bakit iba ang number mo?
Sir: Si sir talaga ito.
Maria: Hoy, isusumbong kita sa pulis! kung ikaw si Sir, sino ung nakapatong kay mam?

• 'Bakit ba pati ako, binibigyan nyo ng malisya? Ano ba ang kasalanan ko?!' - Talong



• 'Hindi lahat ng malakas, super hero!'- Putok



• 'Paano tayo makakabuo kung hindi ako papatong sa iyo?'- Lego



• Halika, bigyan mo pa ako ng init. Kailangan kong pumutok para ako'yiyong matikman at ika'y masarapan. Ayan na! Puputok na! Humanda ka!'- Popcorn



• 'Kahit papaano, gusto ko din ng exposure!'- Singit



• 'Hindi ko hinahangad na ipagmalaki mo na ako'y sa iyo. Ayoko langnaman na sa harap ng maraming tao, ganun mo na lang ako itanggi!'- Utot



• Hindi lahat ng hinog ay matamis!'- Pigsa



• 'Kapag ang katawan mo'y nag-iinit, lagi na lang ako ang hinahanap mo.Maya't maya mo akong ginagamit at pinapagod. Hindi ka na naawa!'- Aircon



• 'Pagod na akong humawak ng balls mo! Pagod narin ako sapagbihis-hubad mo sa akin. Malapit na naman ulit! Ayoko na!!!'- Christmas Tree.'



• I ikspik that it will be a long payt, a good payt, But you know, Ididn't ikspik. Tinks por da God, you know, and tinks por ol da pelepeno pipo!'- Manny Pacquiao.



• 'You never even thank me for making you happy, then you throw me awayjust like that. I hate you for using me, for making my life full ofshit!' - Tissue



• 'Hindi llahat ng kulot, salot!'- Golddilocks'Hindi lahat ng bubuyog, kulay itim!'- Jollibee



• 'Alam kong sa tingin mo, masaya ako! Pero bakit kayo ganyan?! Satuwing wala na kayong masabi, ako na lang ang ginagamit nyo! Pagod na pagodako sa pagngiti!'- Smiley



• 'You can cry all you want, you could always blame me. You said, itwasn't fair that you just want life to be better. But remember, it's allyour fault! You stabbed me with a knife!'- Sibuyas



• 'Isubo mo ang kahabaan ko. Dilaan. Sipsipin. Paglaruan sa bibig mo.Para lumabas ang katas ko na kinasabikan mo. Nag mamahal,'- Ice Candy



• 'Bakit ayaw nyo pa rin sa akin kahit sosyal at maganda ako? Dahil bamas sweet ang iba?'.- Fruitcake'Panakip butas mo lang pala ako!'.- Panty



• 'Pinapaikot mo lang ako! Nagsasawa na ako. Mabuti pang patayin mo nalang ako'.- Electric fan



• 'Hindi lahat na walang salawal ay bastos!'- winnie d' pooh



• 'Alam mo ba wala akong ibang hinangad kundi ang mapalapit sa iyo.Pero patuloy ang pag-iwas mo'.- ipis



• 'Hala! sige magpakasasa ka! Alam ko namang katawan ko lang ang habol mo.'-hipon



• 'Ayoko na! Pag nagmamahal ako, lagi na lang maraming tao angnagagalit! Wala ba akong karapatang magmahal?!' -Gasolina



• 'Sawang-sawa na ako, palagi na lang akong pinagpapasa-pasahan, pagodna pagod na ako.'- Bola



• 'Ginawa ko naman lahat para sumaya ka, mahirap ka ba talagang makontento sa isa? Bakit palipat-lipat ka?- TV



• 'Hindi lahat ng maasim may vitamin C'-kili kili



• 'Pilitin mo man na alisin ako sa buhay mo, babalik at babalik ako!- Libag



• 'Anung kasalanan ko sa iyo, iniwan mo na lang akong duguan...'-Sanitary Napkin



• 'Hwag mo na akong bilugin..'-kulangot'Bwisit na buhay ito! Araw-araw na lang, itlog! Umaga, tanghali,gabi, itlog! Itlog! Itlog! Lagi na lang itlog!'-Brief



• 'Sige, kalimutan mo ako para malaman ng iba ang baho mo! - deodorant



• 'Ako lang ang makakapagpadugo ng ilong ni Manny Pacquiao!'- English



• 'Hind i t otoong anak ko si Bakekang! At lalong hindi ko kapatid siMike Enriquez! Kaya pwede ba, tigilan na ang tsismis na yan!'- Shrek